Today is a perfect example of what it means to have a big sister. Not just any sister, a sister like mine. Today is Easter and we usually spend the day together, as a family…we go to Mom & Dad’s with our kids and it’s a big to do. Dad hops around the house and we all run outside trying to catch a glimpse of the Easter bunny. My Mom & Dad still hide Easter baskets for the “big kids” and we all run around the yard like kids looking for our baskets. My Mom, who always cooks an amazing meal, makes every detail, every holiday perfect, woke up with a fever this morning. I could hear in her voice that she felt awful, not just physically but she felt bad and didn’t want to disappoint us or the kids. We of course told her to rest and that we would celebrate Easter sometime during the week. She ended up at Urgent Care and has strep so I’m glad we decided to delay our Easter tradition.
I chatted with my sister and we tossed around the idea of getting together but it was storming, we both felt kind of blah, so we decided we’d take the day to rest. We also came up with a story to tell the kids about why the Easter Bunny wouldn’t come today. Oma & Grandpa are the Easter Bunny (we didn’t say that). My sister and I had already given our kids their Easter gifts from us so we didn’t have anything they hadn’t seen to try to hide from “the bunny”. We’d tell them the Easter bunny knows we always celebrate as a family and we would just call him and tell him Oma was sick. J is 10, I think he knows but I love that he holds on to believing.
I wasn’t having the best day, I didn’t feel 100% myself, so J and I were having a lazy day at home. Early this evening my doorbell rang and there stood my sister and my nephews. My sister changed her mind about our plan, my brother-in-law ran to the store to get Easter stuff for my nephews and of course, they thought of me & J. They knew there was NO way I could pull off an Easter bunny type situation by myself. Was J supposed to wait in the car while I secretly ran into Walgreen’s? In true “my sister” fashion…she snuck around my house and hid eggs and treats all over the yard for J. She hid a lily for me and a cute tee-shirt I’ve been eyeballing. She didn’t know I was feeling bummed but she showed up. She does that. We call it spidey sense. After J gathered up all of his treats, he sat on the deck and said “Thank you, Easter Bunny”. I think he realizes how special she is, too. As we were walking back into the house, an actual bunny darted across the yard. Maybe we can keep the magic alive one more year!
My sister, she doesn’t always have the words but she always has the heart. She tends to lean more towards tough love with her words but her heart and actions always speak so softly. I know she feels there have been times she’s let me down but she’s wrong. She always gives me what I need and that is unconditional love, an armor only a big sister can provide. She is fiercely protective and her instinct is always to keep me safe from harm, from anything that will hurt me or make me sad. She has protected me, too…all of her life. From middle schools bullies, douche bag boyfriends, “mean girls”, from my own negative self thoughts, she’s been there.
She cut J’s umbilical-cord after he was born, that’s appropriate, she’s such an amazing part of his life…she supported my decision to have him, she made it exciting and happy when others made it seem very “Teen Mom” or like it was some kind of a scandal. I’ll never forget the look we gave one another when it clicked that “we” were going to have a baby and it was a happy moment. I’ll never forget us going to the store after to buy prenatal vitamins and baby books. You were always there when I felt left behind by others. You have always, always been there.
I’ve been a single mom for most of my “momming” life and she’s the best “Tauntie” I or J could ever ask for. She helps when I have to work late or early, when I’m sick, when I decide maybe I want to give a social life a try. There have been nights when I or J have been sick and she’s gotten up in the middle of the night to bring whatever we need. She has this genuineness about her, I feel very taken care of. Not very many people make me feel so safe, so loved.
In the past, I’ve been angered by her words or tough love, when she wouldn’t let me be sad and that’s what I wanted, what I felt I deserved, but I realize now how painful it was for her, has been for her to see me sad. I know how much it hurts me to think of her, to see her in pain…and I guess I never put myself in her shoes. I’ve always needed her more than she’s needed me. I hope I’ve shown up for her, even half as much as she shown up for me.
At the end of the day, she’s who comes when I don’t call for help. Spidey sense.
You will never know how much I love you. You always say I don’t let go of things and you’re right. I remember, treasure and appreciate so many moments you probably haven’t thought twice about. I’m taller than you but I will always look up to you. You’re my safety net. I know I sometimes act like I don’t need a safety net but when I fall, you’re always there and I will always need you. I’m a writer, I guess, but I still can’t even attempt to put into words how much I love you, how much I respect you, look up to you and truly just need you. Mom and Dad have given us a lot, we’re so blessed, in a million ways, but the best thing they could have ever given me, is you. You’re my sister. I’m a little sister, your little sister…that will always keep me safe. Thank you for keeping me safe. I love you doesn’t quite cut the mustard but it’s all I’ve got. I love you, so much!