I write this blog from Missouri but I have readers from all over the world. When I started writing I never dreamed I would reach so many people. Some of my content has reached over 40,000 people. I really couldn’t have anticipated this incredible network of people who care for me and care for one another. Thank you for making “His Mom Strong’s” Facebook such a safe place. I never could have created what WE have made. I think that’s what’s so special about that space…it’s ours, not mine. The gap between me and all of you just doesn’t exist.
Over the last week or two I noticed I hadn’t heard from one of my regular “readers”, a lovely woman who has become a dear friend. She reads from somewhere outside of the U.S. but we are connected and I care for her very much. I care for you all. One week of not hearing from her and I was worried, really worried. I reached out to her from my personal page to make sure she was okay and while she is, she wasn’t, she hadn’t been. Her husband’s birthday, their wedding anniversary, his diagnosis date and the day they found out his illness was terminal…all fell within a very short time frame. The month was land mine after land mine for my friend.
As happy as I was to hear from her, to know she was safe, her message made my heart ache. One of the first things she did was apologize for worrying me which is silly but that’s her, kind and caring almost to a fault. She told me she had been having a bad couple of weeks, that she dropped lower than she had in a really long time. Then she told me she spent some time over the past couple of weeks wishing she wasn’t here…wishing she could have gone to sleep with her husband so they could sleep forever, together. I felt bad I wasn’t there for her, that I hadn’t reached out sooner. I hated that she felt so alone, and that she was in such pain.
She promised she was “fine” now and reassured me that thought of going to sleep forever had left her mind. She reminded me what she had to live for and shared how she “celebrated” some of those special occasions. I know she’ll “be back” when she’s ready. I know she’s safe, I belive with all of my heart that she will do everything in her power to remain safe but I’m still thinking of her. I understand we all have our own ways of coping and she did what she needed to do to get through that time. It hurt like hell but she did it and I am very proud of her!
We are ALL going to experience “life” in a way we don’t want to. We all have our own ways of coping with “life” and we need to be more aware of life not just “our lives”. Your life, your beating heart, the capacity to feel the sun on your face…some days, if they can be, maybe those things have to be enough. I have seen darkness, darkness I didn’t think the sun could touch, but here I am, and I am so thankful for that sun. I know it doesn’t feel beautiful all of the time but YOUR life is always beautiful!
Please hear me. Please. I am here. I would notice. The world would not be the same without you. I would not be the same without you.
Someone would notice.