Nothing about grief is rational, so when you have someone who has a fairly rational take on very irrational feelings and they try to rationalize the situation, that’s probably not going to work.
Managing being Momma, even on the “dad days” meant that yesterday he probably ate too much junk food, I suggested a movie because it was dark and maybe he wouldn’t notice if I wasn’t as present as I wanted to be. We were doing something, without me having to do anything. I’m a Mom, I’m not an expert at being a Mom…I don’t think anyone is. I’m just doing the best I can.
Here it is, only the beginning of January and I’m already starting to think about you. I am terrified of you. I beg you, February, be kinder to me this year than you were last, and I promise to meet you half way.
Experiencing grief takes you down a painful path, you lose pieces of yourself, some you get back, others you don’t. There is no coming out on the “other side” because once you really experience grief, your path, your direction changes entirely and you’re just not going that way anymore.