I love to write. Writing centers me, it calms me and it helps me process my own feelings when everything feels like a jumbled mess inside my head and heart. I started this blog not having a plan. I felt I had a story to tell and I wanted to share it but I didn’t… Continue reading Right There in Black & White
Don’t say it shouldn’t bother you. If it bothers you, it bothers you and that’s completely fine. You’re not wrong for being upset by these comments! Not at all! I think it perfectly acceptable to tell people how you feel.
Your life, your beating heart, the capacity to feel the sun on your face…some days, if they can be, maybe those things have to be enough. I have seen darkness, darkness I didn’t think the sun could touch, but here I am, and I am so thankful for that sun.
I used to rest my head on a chest, next to heart that no longer beats.
I couldn’t help that I wasn’t just over him because this man was doing certain things that Luke didn’t do. A relationship isn’t a list of traits on paper, it’s your heart, it’s your soul. I hated feeling like I had to defend that.
His sign, while still special, but it’s really just letters on a board. His name is now just a name, not a person, with a beating heart, he is a memory. In memory of…
All of a sudden I couldn’t breathe, it was happening, I was having a panic attack. I got to my car and drove across the street to the cemetery, I just wanted to be close to Luke and I needed a “safe place” …
For the first time, ever, I think I caught the smallest glimpse of what it must be like to lose someone so special, to miss someone and to miss them forever. I wondered how many times my Mom has had that thought over the years.
As I was getting ready this morning, I couldn’t help but to think of Luke, my heart was a little heavy. Special occasions of any kind can serve as triggers because they’re so memorable, just the date on the calendar…you know you shared it with your person, it cements the time they’ve been gone, or… Continue reading Balancing Grief on Special Occasions…
We still have this bag, it is still filled with loose Lego pieces that may never get put back together, but he has the pieces and for him, that seems to be enough. It’s still his and Luke’s. It all made sense.