Life

Answering your FAQs: The Dreaded Dating Question…

I couldn’t help that I wasn’t just over him because this man was doing certain things that Luke didn’t do. A relationship isn’t a list of traits on paper, it’s your heart, it’s your soul. I hated feeling like I had to defend that.

Life

When They Say the “Wrong” Thing…

Nothing about grief is rational, so when you have someone who has a fairly rational take on very irrational feelings and they try to rationalize the situation, that’s probably not going to work.

Life

Just letters on a sign…

His sign, while still special, but it’s really just letters on a board. His name is now just a name, not a person, with a beating heart, he is a memory. In memory of…

Life

The firsts of grief…

All of a sudden I couldn’t breathe, it was happening, I was having a panic attack. I got to my car and drove across the street to the cemetery, I just wanted to be close to Luke and I needed a “safe place” …

Life

I Want More Space.

Space for love, happiness, forgiveness, peace with my past, hope for my future. I want space to let go of what was said, what wasn’t, what never will be said or heard. I want more space to celebrate my successes and less space for criticizing myself. I want space to grow, to help, to continue to heal, not only myself, but others.

Life

I wish my mom could see this…

For the first time, ever, I think I caught the smallest glimpse of what it must be like to lose someone so special, to miss someone and to miss them forever. I wondered how many times my Mom has had that thought over the years.

Life

Create What You Wish Existed…

Managing being Momma, even on the “dad days” meant that yesterday he probably ate too much junk food, I suggested a movie because it was dark and maybe he wouldn’t notice if I wasn’t as present as I wanted to be. We were doing something, without me having to do anything. I’m a Mom, I’m not an expert at being a Mom…I don’t think anyone is. I’m just doing the best I can.

Life

The Reality of Parenting Guilt…

It’s hard for me to admit that maybe I haven’t always been the kind of mom I’ve wanted to be. So, here is what I know, with every fiber of my being, I know my son knows how much I love him. I know I’ve done my best and I know he knows that, too.

Life

Balancing Grief on Special Occasions…

As I was getting ready this morning, I couldn’t help but to think of Luke, my heart was a little heavy. Special occasions of any kind can serve as triggers because they’re so memorable, just the date on the calendar…you know you shared it with your person, it cements the time they’ve been gone, or… Continue reading Balancing Grief on Special Occasions…

Life

Picking up the pieces…

We still have this bag, it is still filled with loose Lego pieces that may never get put back together, but he has the pieces and for him, that seems to be enough. It’s still his and Luke’s. It all made sense.