I love to write. Writing centers me, it calms me and it helps me process my own feelings when everything feels like a jumbled mess inside my head and heart. I started this blog not having a plan. I felt I had a story to tell and I wanted to share it but I didn’t… Continue reading Right There in Black & White
My “real life” has been so busy I haven’t had as much time as I’ve wanted to write, but manage to sneak in a poem here or there. Xo – Steph ‘Don’t Break Them’ ‘Enough’ ‘Just Me’
His sign, while still special, but it’s really just letters on a board. His name is now just a name, not a person, with a beating heart, he is a memory. In memory of…
All of a sudden I couldn’t breathe, it was happening, I was having a panic attack. I got to my car and drove across the street to the cemetery, I just wanted to be close to Luke and I needed a “safe place” …
Space for love, happiness, forgiveness, peace with my past, hope for my future. I want space to let go of what was said, what wasn’t, what never will be said or heard. I want more space to celebrate my successes and less space for criticizing myself. I want space to grow, to help, to continue to heal, not only myself, but others.
We still have this bag, it is still filled with loose Lego pieces that may never get put back together, but he has the pieces and for him, that seems to be enough. It’s still his and Luke’s. It all made sense.
I am the only person who can give my son a happy mom who loves life, he deserves that regardless of our circumstances. He gets one childhood, I get one shot at being his mom, the kind of mom I want him to remember, a happy mom who took time to do fun things. I can’t and won’t waste that opportunity, not for anything.
Thank you for praying for my broken heart even though your own heart is shattered. Thank you for giving me permission to move forward. Thank you for knowing me well enough to know that I would need your permission. Thank you for giving me space and freedom to express my grief in any way I’ve needed to.