Life

Three Years Later…

You were gone, in an instant, just gone and I had a terrible time understanding death. How can a person just go away? How could you go away? I lost you but I also lost a piece of my innocence, a blissful ignorance of how terrible grief really is, I didn’t know how much it… Continue reading Three Years Later…

Life

His “My Last Birthday”…

I hate to hear of people complaining of growing older. I feel annoyed when people “dread” their birthdays, but I have to be honest, and admit that I’ve been one of those people for the past couple of weeks. My birthday is less than a week away and it makes me sad to think about,… Continue reading His “My Last Birthday”…

Life

Just a Plant

The weekend after Luke’s funeral, I got a call from his Mom asking me if I wanted a peace lily from the service. I of course jumped at the opportunity, and in my car to go pick it up. I honestly felt honored she chose me to give something to and at the time I… Continue reading Just a Plant

Life

Right There in Black & White

I love to write. Writing centers me, it calms me and it helps me process my own feelings when everything feels like a jumbled mess inside my head and heart. I started this blog not having a plan. I felt I had a story to tell and I wanted to share it but I didn’t… Continue reading Right There in Black & White

Life

Plan B. Option C.

Don’t say it shouldn’t bother you. If it bothers you, it bothers you and that’s completely fine. You’re not wrong for being upset by these comments! Not at all! I think it perfectly acceptable to tell people how you feel.

Life

When a heartbeat was just a heartbeat…

I used to rest my head on a chest, next to heart that no longer beats.

Life

When They Say the “Wrong” Thing…

Nothing about grief is rational, so when you have someone who has a fairly rational take on very irrational feelings and they try to rationalize the situation, that’s probably not going to work.

Life

The firsts of grief…

All of a sudden I couldn’t breathe, it was happening, I was having a panic attack. I got to my car and drove across the street to the cemetery, I just wanted to be close to Luke and I needed a “safe place” …

Life

I Want More Space.

Space for love, happiness, forgiveness, peace with my past, hope for my future. I want space to let go of what was said, what wasn’t, what never will be said or heard. I want more space to celebrate my successes and less space for criticizing myself. I want space to grow, to help, to continue to heal, not only myself, but others.

Life

Picking up the pieces…

We still have this bag, it is still filled with loose Lego pieces that may never get put back together, but he has the pieces and for him, that seems to be enough. It’s still his and Luke’s. It all made sense.