There are moms all over the world, who will wake up tomorrow, on Mother’s Day, and it will be just like any other day. Diapers, breakfast, cartoons, no sleeping in…business as usual. There will be no homemade cards, no pasta necklaces or breakfast in bed because the kids are too young to know or care.
Managing being Momma, even on the “dad days” meant that yesterday he probably ate too much junk food, I suggested a movie because it was dark and maybe he wouldn’t notice if I wasn’t as present as I wanted to be. We were doing something, without me having to do anything. I’m a Mom, I’m not an expert at being a Mom…I don’t think anyone is. I’m just doing the best I can.
It’s hard for me to admit that maybe I haven’t always been the kind of mom I’ve wanted to be. So, here is what I know, with every fiber of my being, I know my son knows how much I love him. I know I’ve done my best and I know he knows that, too.
We still have this bag, it is still filled with loose Lego pieces that may never get put back together, but he has the pieces and for him, that seems to be enough. It’s still his and Luke’s. It all made sense.
I am not alone, ever. Even with my eyes closed, I know they are there. Supporting my dreams, celebrating my successes, picking me up when I fall…they are always there. That’s how I do it.
I am the only person who can give my son a happy mom who loves life, he deserves that regardless of our circumstances. He gets one childhood, I get one shot at being his mom, the kind of mom I want him to remember, a happy mom who took time to do fun things. I can’t and won’t waste that opportunity, not for anything.
…I had to take a minute to process how profound his thoughts are. I could hardly believe how perceptive he was of the situation and how truly thoughtful he was in regards to it, how reflective.
Letting him acknowledge that he missed his Dad, that something was missing because his Dad was gone, didn’t take anything away from me
Don’t be cautiously happy, just be happy!
This was an every other weekend, weekend. Jack came home around 6:00, he had already had dinner and brought quite the cough home with him. The only thing he wanted to do was lay in Mommy’s bed and watch a movie. So, here we are. Laying side by side, and I realized just how big my… Continue reading This moment…